whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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