i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
