You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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