yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
