This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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