just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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