Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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