I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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