lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
