so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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