Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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