Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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