I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
