Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
