she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't deserve a penis
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
