Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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