I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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