You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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