I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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