can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
