i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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