You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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