dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize