Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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