It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
