Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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