I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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