what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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