The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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