He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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