I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
