Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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