Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
