I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Randomize
