And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
