I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
