Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
