my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
