No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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