im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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