It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I want to fling myself into the sun
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
