Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
