I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
