No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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