her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
