Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
