i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
