Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize