omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
