So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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