whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
