I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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