This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
