I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
