she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
