I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
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I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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