It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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