even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
