Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
