Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
