yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
