i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
