I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
