I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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