Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
