Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
