real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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