I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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