Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
