Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
