my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
