the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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