wake up i wanna do it froggy style
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
