And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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