Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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