Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
