I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
