Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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